I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
