I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
