Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
