Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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