quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
