Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
