yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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