i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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