i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
