You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
