I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
