I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
