2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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