hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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