she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
