Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
