I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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