you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm too high and old for this...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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