tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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