I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
