Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize