apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
