You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize