The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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