Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
