I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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