I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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