I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
