I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I could make wine with my vomit
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
