half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
