so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
