So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
