I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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