I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
