is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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