People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
