i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
