you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
