one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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