you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
