Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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