My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
