Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
