Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
