I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
