Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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