i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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