HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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