I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize