Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
