Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Terrible idea I love it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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