went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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