Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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