After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
