Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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