dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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