I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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