Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
