Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize