I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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