can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
