and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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