I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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