I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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