She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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