now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize