Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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