one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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