Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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