he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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