i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
