There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
