So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
