I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
