I'm so fucking centered right now
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
