Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
