pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
