Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize